Articles
Research-backed writing on high-conflict communication, divorce, workplace conflict, and the New Ways® methods — by Bill Eddy and the HCI team.
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Conflict Resolution and the Declaration of Independence
For the 250th anniversary, Bill Eddy on the conflict-resolution skills and compromises behind the Declaration of Independence — a committee effort.
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Conflict Resolution Training for Professionals
A guide for attorneys, therapists, mediators, HR, and leaders: what high-conflict training teaches, the formats available, and how to choose the right program.
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High-Conflict Co-Parenting Classes: A Practical Guide
Court-ordered or by choice, high-conflict co-parenting classes teach skills to protect your kids. Here's how they work and how to choose the right one.
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How to Communicate With a High-Conflict Ex
Communicating with a high-conflict ex can feel like a trap. Practical rules — including the BIFF method — to keep exchanges calm, brief, and child-focused.
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From Incivility to High Conflict: Building a More Prepared Workplace
Workplace incivility is rising and costing organizations billions. Megan Hunter on the 5% problem and HCI's new year-long Corporate Partnership program.
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Is Incivility Increasing? If so, What Can We Do About It?
Research shows incivility is on the rise — in workplaces, courtrooms, and everyday life. Bill Eddy on why it's increasing and what professionals can do about it.
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Teens vs. Social Media, Family and Peers: The Latest Court Cases and Mental Health Research
Teens vs. Social Media, Family and Peers:The Latest Court Cases and Mental Health Research © 2026 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Children are our future. But are the…
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Left Brain and Right Brain Conflict Resolution
Left Brain and Right Brain Conflict Resolution © 2026 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. You are meeting Mary for the first time. She is angry about something and she is…
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Do Narcissists Make Better Leaders?
Do Narcissists Make Better Leaders? © 2026 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. The world of business and leadership would seem to be dominated by narcissists, because of…
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7 Ways Kids Absorb Parents' Emotions in Divorce
7 Ways Children’s Brains Absorb Their Parents’ Emotions in Divorce(And What You Can Do About It) © 2026 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Divorce is a stressful time…
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Setting Limits in Divorce and Divorce Court
Setting Limits in Divorce and Divorce Court © 2026 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. January each year appears to be divorce month. Unhappy couples who have stayed…
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4 Simple Techniques for Managing Conflict – Anywhere! (Including High Conflict Disputes)
4 Simple Techniques for Managing Conflict – Anywhere! (Including High Conflict Disputes) © 2025 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Conflict happens. It can be over a…
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The Epstein Case: A Failure to Impose Consequences on Abusive Behavior
The Epstein Case A Failure to Impose Consequences on Abusive Behavior © 2025 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Ekaterina Ricci, MDR, MLS Politics aside, the case of…
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Leaders and Limits: Setting Limits with Empathy
How leaders set firm limits and impose consequences with empathy, attention, and respect — Bill Eddy on managing without escalating conflict.
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Just Launched: A New Way to Support Your Clients in High-Conflict Situations
Just Launched: A New Way to Support Your Clients in High-Conflict Situations Support Your Clients Navigating High Conflict RelationshipsIf you work with…
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Why Is It So Hard to Leave Abusive Relationships? (And What Can Be Done To Help?)
Why Is It So Hard to Leave Abusive Relationships? (And What Can Be Done To Help?) © 2025 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. “Why didn’t you just leave?” is one of the…
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AI and the BIFF Response®: Who Writes Your Emails?
AI and the BIFF Response® Who Should Write Your Emails, Texts, and Letters? © 2025 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. As the Director of Innovation for the High Conflict…
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Violence and Mental Health
© 2022 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JDWe live in an age of overlap between legal and mental health problems. It is frequently said that there are more people with…
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Responding to the “Bully’s Story” in Families, at Work, in Court, or Anywhere
Responding to the “Bully’s Story”in Families, at Work, in Court, or Anywhere © 2025 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. One of the main differences between child bullies…
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Personality Disorder Discrimination by Mediators: A Rebuttal
Rebuttal to the Article: “ENDING THE EPIDEMIC OF ACCIDENTALPERSONALITY DISORDER DISCRIMINATION BY WELL-MEANING MEDIATORS”[1] © 2025 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.[2]…
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Recognizing True and False Allegations of Abuse
Recognizing True and False Allegations of Abuse © 2025 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. High conflict situations—whether in families, at work, in communities, or…
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Negative Advocates: How They (We) Become Emotionally Hooked
Negative Advocates: How They (We) Become Emotionally Hooked © 2025 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. High conflict disputes usually involve one or more people with a…
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Unlock Your Inner Peacemaker by Accessing Your Calm Self
Unlock Your Inner Peacemaker by Accessing Your Calm Self © 2024 by Cherolyn Knapp, B.Comm, LLB.B, Q.Med We've all experienced those moments when emotions take…
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Protecting the Elderly in Our New World of Adult Bullies
Protecting the Elderly in Our New World of Adult Bullies © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. In this holiday season, there is much family joy to go around as we…
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Fostering Flexibility: Tips for developing flexible thinking skills
Fostering Flexibility: Tips for developing flexible thinking skills © 2024 by Cherolyn Knapp, B.Comm, LLB.B, Q.Med Do you ever have to interact with someone…
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Are We Being too Nice with High Conflict Behavior?
Are We Being too Nice with High Conflict Behavior? © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Most professionals are nice people committed to helping their clients and…
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Abandon Abstraction: A Practical Approach to Changing Difficult Behavior
Abandon Abstraction: A Practical Approach to Changing Difficult Behavior © 2024 by Cherolyn Knapp, B.Comm, LLB.B, Q.Med You’re a leader who has to deal with…
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How to Avoid Getting Hooked by High Conflict Behavior
High-conflict behavior has an intensity that grabs your attention and pulls you in. Learn to recognize the hooks and stay calm and in control.
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The Legal Profession Needs Some Bullying Prevention and Intervention Strategies
The Legal Profession Needs Some Bullying Prevention and Intervention Strategies © 2024 Elisa Reiter and Daniel Pollack Originally published in the Texas Lawyer…
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Reducing Polarization in Divorce and Custody Cases: 7 Modest Proposals
Reducing Polarization in Divorce and Custody Cases:7 Modest Proposals © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Divorce and child custody decisions are based on the…
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Six “Opposites” Skills for Influencing Conflict
"Opposites" Skills for Influencing Conflict © 2024 by Megan Hunter, MBA Navigating conflicts, especially high-conflict situations, is undoubtedly emotionally…
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New Ways for Work®Leaders Course Delivers Immediate Impact
New Ways For Work® - Leaders Course Delivers Immediate Impact © 2024 by Cherolyn Knapp, B.Comm, LLB.B, Q.Med I had the pleasure of piloting HCI’s brand new…
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How to Build a Team: 7 Relationship Skills for Managers
How to Build a Team 7 Relationship Skills for Managers and Other Leaders © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. In today's world, building and strengthening a team in…
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Is Total Freedom the Goal?
Setting Boundaries: Is Total Freedom the Goal? © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Setting Boundaries in Relationships at Home, at Work and Online As we celebrate…
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How Adult Bullies Find and Encourage Each Other on Social Media
How Adult Bullies Find and Encourage Each Other on Social Media © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Adult bullies have traditionally been kept on the fringes of…
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Turning the Tide on Toxic Teams: Introducing New Ways for Work®—Leaders Training
Turning the Tide on Toxic Teams: Introducing New Ways for Work®—Leaders Course © 2024 by Cherolyn Knapp, B. Comm, Q.Med Have you ever found yourself leading a…
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The Dangerous Bias in Fabulous Reports
The Dangerous Bias in Fabulous Reports © 2024 Jenni McBride McNamara, LMFT, PC Intro from Bill Eddy This month we have a great article about how to write…
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SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 ½ Steps
SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 ½ Steps © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD We live in a rapidly changing world, with rules and…
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Microbiome and “Gut Feeling” in High Conflict Behavior
Microbiome and “Gut Feeling” in High Conflict Behavior © 2024 by Ekaterina Ricci, MDR The relationship between mental disorders and gut microbiome has become a…
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Domestic Violence and Personality Disorders: What’s the Connection?
Domestic Violence and Personality Disorders: What’s the Connection? © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. When I first had clients who were victim/survivors of…
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Can Children Make Independent Decisions in Dysfunctional Families?
Can Children Make Independent Decisions in Dysfunctional Families? © 2024 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. At least one state is considering the idea of allowing their…
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How to Prepare Your Body and Mind to Achieve More Success in Mediation
How to Prepare Your Body and Mind to Achieve More Success in Mediation © 2024 by Ekaterina Ricci, MDR This article is written to help anyone involved in…
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Teen Dating Violence and Healthy Relationships
Teen dating violence has become a real concern with its own frequently used initials (TDV). February is now Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM). Teens, young adults, parents, professionals, and anyone concerned about future adult relationships can all benefit from learning about this problem
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Top 12 Tips for Co-Parent Boundaries
When parents separate, their lives need more clearly defined boundaries for their sake and for the children. Two of the most important parenting skills are managing one’s own stress and modeling healthy adult relationship communication. Setting boundaries individually and jointly can protect children from situations when they might be exposed to too much of their parent’s distress and also show them that their separated parents can successfully manage their new lives.
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Domestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?
For years, there has been a tension between the terms “high conflict families” and “domestic violence” in family courts. Since the 1980s, family law professionals (lawyers, judges, mediators, and therapists) have considered most separating and divorcing families to have two fairly equal contributors to the disputes they bring to court.
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Playing the Victim: How Sociopaths Con Legal Professionals (and Everyone Else)
Playing the Victim: How Sociopaths Con Legal Professionals (and Everyone Else) ©2023 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Sociopath is another word for antisocial personality…
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Addressing the Bully in the Room: High Conflict Personalities in Workplace Investigations
Workplace conflict is nothing new. But for employers, undertaking workplace investigations is a relatively new – and highly prevalent – practice. A large proportion of workplace conflicts include at least one person exhibiting traits of a high conflict personality. This raises the question of how an investigator can be equipped to run a fair and effective process, despite the challenges presented by high conflict personalities.
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BIFF Response® at Work: Responding to Hostile Mail
BIFF Response® at Work:Responding to Hostile Mail ©2023 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Hostile mail – especially email, texts and other electronic communications – has…
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Foreword: The High Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide
By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Foreword from The High Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide by Megan Hunter and Andrea LaRochelleWhen I started reading The…
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Adolescent Mental Health and New Ways for Life Skills
Adolescent Mental Health and New Ways for Life Skills@2023 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq and Susie Rayner, GradDip FDRPApproximately 25% of adolescents today would meet…
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Key Principles for Asking Questions in High Conflict Cases
©2023 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.High conflict cases usually involve allegations of very bad behavior, debates over who is acting badly, and what should be done…
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Confirmation Bias: Getting it Backwards in High Conflict Disputes
©2023 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Confirmation bias is a scientific and psychological term that needs to be considered when anyone is dealing with a high conflict…
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Truck Convoy Protest in Ottawa: A Missed Opportunity for High Conflict Resolution?
Truck Convoy Protest in Ottawa: A Missed Opportunity for High Conflict Resolution?©2023 Cherolyn Knapp, B.Comm, LL.B, Q.MedIn this time that some say is…
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Personality Disorders: The New Elephant in the Room
The New Elephant in the Room:Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality Disorders©2023 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.In 1994, a best-selling children’s book…
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Should Employees with High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?
Should Employees With High-Conflict Behaviors Be Given a Chance to Change?©2022 Megan Hunter, MBAIs it advisable to keep an employee with high-conflict…
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High Conflict in the Schools: Tips for Teachers and Parents
High Conflict in the Schools: Tips for Teachers and Parents©2022 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.In the world of high conflict there's always something new—almost! Now…
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Emotions are Contagious: From Child Alienation to Workplace Bullying to World Anxiety
Emotions are Contagious: From Child Alienation to Workplace Bullying to World Anxiety©2022 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.In many ways, the world runs on emotions. We…
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EAR Statements for the Holidays
©2021 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. The past two years have been stressful throughout the world, with endless Covid, endless crazy weather, and endless political…
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EAR Statements Can Calm Clients and Anyone, Especially in Today’s World
EAR Statements Can Calm Clients and Anyone, Especially in Today’s World©2021 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.We all need empathy, attention, and respect—especially in…
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Giving High Conflict Employees a Chance to Change
©2021 Megan Hunter, MBA Workplace conflict is challenging. It requires time, depletes morale, disrupts the workflow, and ultimately sabotages competitive…
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"Fast Facts" for Professionals: 3 Ways an EAR Statement Can Calm Clients
“Fast Facts” for Professionals:3 Ways an EAR Statement™ Can Calm Clients©2021 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Professionals and businesses are facing more and more…
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An Interview with Bill Eddy: Calming Upset People with EAR
An Interview with Bill Eddy: Calming Upset People with EAR©2021 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. 1. What does “EAR” stand for and why did you develop it?EAR stands for…
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Tips for Family Law Professionals
Tips for Family Law Professionals©2021 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. & Susie Rayner, GradDip FDRPNew Ways Manager, Susie Rayner, and HCI Co-founder, Bill Eddy, LCSW,…
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10 Things People Misunderstand About Personality Disorders
©2021 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Personality Disorders—An Enduring Pattern of Dysfunctional Interpersonal Behavior The term personality disorder has been familiar…
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Cancel Culture: Setting Limits or Going Too Far?
©2021 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. & Megan Hunter, MBAWhat Does Cancel Culture Mean?Although there is no single definition of cancel culture, it is about groups of…
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How to Quickly Spot High-Conflict People
How to Quickly Spot High-Conflict People ©2020 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.High-conflict people (HCPs) have high-conflict personalities. This means they have an…
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Personality Disorders Gaining Importance in Recent Legal Cases
©2020 Bill Eddy, LCSW, EsqPersonality Disorders Should be Considered in More Legal CasesA landmark case in Australia and a study in California both reached the…
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Teaching the 4 Big Skills™ to Your Child During Divorce
Teaching the 4 Big Skills™ to Your Child During Divorce©2020 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Divorce and separation are times of stress for both parents and children.…
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A Method for Managing Police-Community Relations
<p class=""></p><p class="">Policing in America is being re-evaluated in the wake of the killing of George Floyd, Black Lives Matters protests. One aspect is a call for improved training for police. The following are some skills we have taught in law enforcement trainings and are currently offering to police departments anywhere. They are also skills that everyone could benefit from learning.</p><p class=""> </p>
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7 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People During this Crisis
7 Tips for Dealing with Difficult People During This Crisis©2020 Bill Eddy, LCSW, EsqHow are you doing during this homebound coronavirus crisis? We hope you’re…
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Understanding Polarization in Families, Groups, and Nations
Understanding Polarization in Families, Groups, and Nations ©2020 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.There is much talk today about polarization. Ironically, few people put…
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BIFF Communications for Estranged Families
Use the BIFF method — Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm — to write calm responses to hostile messages from estranged family. Examples inside.
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High Conflict Christmas In Two Homes Survival Guide
High Conflict Christmas in Two Homes Survival Guide ©2019 Andrea LaRochelle, RFMDo you feel like your children are *missing out* by not spending time with both…
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Mediating High Conflict Workplace Disputes
Mediating High Conflict Workplace Disputes©2019 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Many workplace disputes get resolved rather easily by those involved or by simple…
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The 4 "Fuhgeddaboudits" in High Conflict Mediation
©2019 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Mediation with one or more parties with a high conflict personality requires a significantly different approach from the standard…
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Managing Your Life with a High-Conflict Co-Parent
Managing Your Life with a High-Conflict Co-Parent©2019 Megan Hunter and Andrea LaRochelle How to get off the emotional roller coaster and understand triggers…
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HCPs and Violence
©2019 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Recent news of mass shootings has made everyone more anxious and fearful that it could, in fact, “happen here.” The search is on for…
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Writing BIFF Responses to High Conflict People When You Don’t Feel Like It
©2019 Megan Hunter, MBAReceiving an email, text or letter can put a dent in your day when it contains a zinger. It can get right under your skin and ruin your…
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Can High-Conflict People Change?
Can High Conflict People Change? ©2019 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. This is an increasingly important question in many areas of modern life, including in love…
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Who Are High Conflict People?
High-conflict people share four traits: all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, extreme behavior, and blaming others. Learn how to recognize them.
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Narcissist in Your Family? 4 Tips for Dealing with Them
<p style="white-space:pre-wrap;">According to the DSM-5 manual of mental disorders, up to 6% of the adult population in the United States may have a narcissistic personality disorder. That’s about 20 million people. Chances are good that you or someone you know may be married to a narcissist, the son or daughter of a narcissist, the parent of a narcissist, or a sibling or a cousin. If so, you know that it can be very hard to cope with their constant criticisms, arrogant statements, preoccupation with themselves, disparaging remarks, and demands for admiration. Not only does this get tiresome, it can also wear down your own self-esteem, be exhausting, and absorb a huge amount of your time with nothing received in return. This article gives some suggestions for how you can deal with them without getting stuck in the mud or disliking yourself.</p>
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7 Tips for Working with Clients with Borderline Personality Disorder
<p style="white-space:pre-wrap;">Clients with borderline personality disorder (BPD) suffer from constant “emotion dysregulation” (wide mood swings, sudden anger, unnecessary suspiciousness, inappropriately intense excitement, misplaced loving feelings, etc.), as the accompanying article by Shehrina Rooney describes. This is not something over which they have conscious control, unless they are learning to regulate their emotions in some form of therapy. In fact, such emotion dysregulation is at the heart of most of their problems in relationships, with romantic partners, family members and professionals. With this in mind, here are seven tips for those working with someone with BPD:</p>
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Is This Really a Crisis? Personality-Disorder Patterns
Is This Really a Crisis?People with Personality Disorders Often See Internal Crises as External Crises©2019 Bill Eddy LCSW, ESQ.As I wrote in my latest article…
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Walls, Wars and Parades: Understanding Narcissistic Leaders
©2019 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. WALLS: Dividing people into winners and losers.WARS: Highly defensive, the slightest criticism may send them into battle.PARADES:…
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Dealing with Family Hostility at the Holiday Table?
Dealing with Family Hostility at the Holiday Table?©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Watch out! Uncle Joe’s coming to the holiday dinner. Oh, no! Sister-in-law Mary…
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Narcissism and Incivility: Is There a Connection?
©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Did you ever wonder where incivility comes from? Is it always what someone else is doing? It seems to have spread far and wide over…
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Sociopath HCP
©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Narcissists, Sociopaths: Similarities, Differences, Dangers According to a major study stated that almost 10% of the U.S. has…
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Handling High Conflict Situations During the Holidays
©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Holidays at any time of year can be a time of fun and visiting with family and friends. But it also can be a combustible mix of…
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Sociopaths and their Deceptions
<p style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Sociopaths, also known as those with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD), are some of the most dangerous and deceptive people you will ever know. Yet they also can be some of the most charming. That’s why they are often known as “con artists.” In this article I will give some of the basics of understanding sociopaths, including how they may deceive people in legal disputes. </p>
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A New Year and New Ways in Israel
<p style="white-space: pre-wrap;">We were truly fortunate and grateful to visit Israel, not once, but twice, in the past year. HCI co-founder <a href="/about/#bill-eddy">Bill Eddy</a> made the long trip to speak to a warm and friendly group of family law professionals on high-conflict behaviors in family court. On this trip, he was introduced to several dedicated professionals who work hard to serve families in their small, yet extraordinarily diverse and ever-changing country.</p>
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Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law Cases
Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law Cases©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.The diagnostic manual of mental disorders (DSM-5) tells us that up…
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Using the CARS Method® to Deal with High Conflict People and Situations
©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Have you noticed that high-conflict people (HCPs) and high-conflict behavior are rapidly increasing in today’s interconnected…
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Calming Upset People Fast with EAR
<p style="white-space: pre-wrap;">An EAR Statement can calm an upset or hostile person within seconds.</p>
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Spotting Dangerous Clients in 3 Steps
©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Family law professionals were shaken to the core by the murders of 6 people by an angry ex-husband in Arizona.The victims included…
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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Revisited – Plus an Insider's Perspective of BP
©2018 Megan Hunter, MBA & Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. May is Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month Here are some of our thoughts on hope for people with…
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Improving Conflict Management Skills Will Strengthen Sobriety
©2018 L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW In my new book, Paradigm Change: The Collective Wisdom of Recovery, I discuss the importance of improving our conflict…
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Vicarious Trauma: 3 Tips and Review of the book "Second-Hand Shock"
©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Our High Conflict Institute speakers give seminars around the world to helping professionals (lawyers, judges, counselors,…
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How to Spot High Conflict People (before it's too late to avoid them)
©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.High-conflict people (HCPs) have high-conflict personalities. This means they have an ongoing pattern of all-or-nothing thinking,…
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Anybody You Know? Predictable Characteristics of High Conflict People
©2018 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. For the past twenty years I have been studying and teaching about high-conflict people (HCPs) and how to manage them in legal…
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Quickly Identifying High Conflict with the WEB Method®
<p>In my newest book, <em>5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life,</em> I introduce the WEB Method for quickly identifying them before they do too much harm.</p>
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4 Mistakes to Avoid When Dealing with Difficult People
©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Difficult people – we call them high conflict personalities - have a pattern of negative behavior with four primary…
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Tips on Offering Mediation to a High Conflict Employee
©2017 Michael Lomax, JDImagine you are a manager, and you have a supervisor who reports to you who is dealing with an employee with high conflict traits. There…
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How to Deal with an Interrogator
©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I have been asked to give some suggestions for dealing with a parent who constantly interrogates the children and the spouse like…
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Family Law: 3 Theories of the High-Conflict Case
Family Law: 3 Theories of the High-Conflict Case©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.I do a lot of consulting to family lawyers and their clients (often on the phone…
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Dating Radar: Your X-Ray Vision In A New Relationship
Dating Radar: Your X-Ray Vision In A New Relationship©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. & Megan Hunter, MBA“He’s just no good for you!”“But I love him!”“She’s…
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5 Tips for Setting Boundaries in Relationships
5 Tips for Setting Boundaries in Relationships ©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. We continue to get requests for suggestions for setting boundaries in…
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Differences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family Law
Differences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family Law©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.By now, most family law professionals know…
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10 Paradigm Shifts of High Conflict Mediation
©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I’ve been doing mediation for over thirty years, primarily in family cases, but also some in business, personal injury, neighbor…
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Handling Probate Cases with Toxic Families
Handling Probate Cases with Toxic Families©2017 John Edwards & Judy CopelandAll families are psychotic. Everybody has basically the same family, it’s…
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You Know You're Taking It Personally When…
©2009 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. When you are involved with a High Conflict Person (HCP) whether personally or professionally, you have experienced how easy it is…
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Structure, Skills & Less Stress: How Courts Can Provide Structure for Learning New Skills
Excerpt from The Future of Family Court: Structure, Skills and Less Stress, Chapter 3: Structure & Accountability, by Bill Eddy, LCSW ESQStructure, Skills &…
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When Helping Hurts - How Professionals Become Negative Advocates - Or Not
©2017 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Most professionals are helping professionals. We like to help our clients as lawyers, mediators, therapists, arbitrators, social…
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A Respectful Meeting Policy
©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and L. Georgi DiStefano As high conflict personalities appear to be increasing in society and the workplace, we are hearing more…
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Civility and the Surge Protector
<p>"Maybe we don’t need relationships anymore. Maybe we can say and do anything we want with other people – in other words incivility has no cost and is easier than putting a surge protector on ourselves."</p>
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New Ways Parent-Child Talk: What to say to your children during this time of transition
New Ways Parent-Child Talk: What to say to your children during this time of transition ©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. When parents separate, having a talk with…
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How Effective are Restraining Orders with an HCP?
©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Question: Based on your experience and knowledge of BPDs and HCPs, how effective are ROs if one is filed and granted against a…
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What Children Tell a Divorce Lawyer
What Children Tell a Divorce Lawyer ©2017 Shawn D. Skillin, Esq. Earlier in my career I did work for the court as Minor’s Counsel. I interviewed children and…
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Should Workplace Conflicts use Mediation?
©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSWMediators are being increasingly asked to help resolve workplace conflicts in a peaceful,…
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Three Theories of the High-Conflict Legal Case
©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.High conflict cases can be very confusing because it isn’t always clear which party is responsible for it becoming a high-conflict…
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How to Reply to Angry Texts & Emails – 5 BIFF Response® Examples
©2017 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Dealing with High Conflict People and their irate communications can leave you at a loss for words. The BIFF Response® Method helps…
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If Empathy Is King, Are Boundaries It's Queen With HCPs?
©2017 Megan Hunter, MBA In a previous article in which I crowned EMPATHY as king when dealing with high-conflict personalities—those folks who are the most…
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The Mediator’s Role in Decision Making
©2017 John C Edwards, Esq. In a previous article, I wrote about the importance of leaving the critical decision making up to the parties to a mediation,…
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Adapt Your Strategy with High-Conflict People — or Quit
©2016 Megan Hunter, MBA High conflict cases in the courts and high-conflict personalities (HCPs) in the workplace get a lot of play these days and we're seeing…
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Why Is Being A Target of Blame So Stressful?
©2016 Megan Hunter, MBA Whether you're in a dispute with your brother, classmate, work colleague, spouse or even someone you don't know, conflict is stressful.…
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Calming Holiday Conflicts
Calming Holiday Conflicts ©2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.When family and friends gather for this holiday season, it can be a time of joy—and conflict. This year,…
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4 Ways to Set Limits at Work
<p>Whether you’re dealing with a difficult employee, co-worker or supervisor, setting limits is one of the most difficult and important tasks you can do to get any real work done.</p>
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High Conflict Personalities in Employment Cases
©2016 John C. Edwards, Esq.It is expected and understood by most people in the legal profession that because of the intensely personal nature of the issues…
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Narcissists as Leaders: Good or Bad for Your Organization?
©2013 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Whether in business, politics or workgroups, there is a natural tendency to select narcissistic leaders. They are attracted to…
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How to Spot & Avoid the Worst Times to Engage with a Difficult Person
©2012 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. We all have dealings with high conflict people, in our families, at work and in our communities. They often catch us by surprise…
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Why I Wrote High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, 2nd Edition
©2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Does it seem like high-conflict people are increasing in legal disputes to you? It does to me. Ten years ago the first edition of…
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3 Do’s and Don’ts to Manage High-Conflict People at Work
©2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. & L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW Dealing with high conflict people (HCPs) in the workplace presents a variety of challenges. The good…
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Fire or Keep High-Conflict Employees?
©2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. & L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSWFor the past several years, dealing with difficult co-workers has been at the top of employee and…
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De-escalating High Conflict Situations in 4 Steps
Four practical steps for de-escalating high-conflict situations and calming people with high-conflict personalities, drawn from HCI's CARS Method®.
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6 Ways You Should Be Assertive in Family Court
© 2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, EsqFamily court presents a difficult dilemma for reasonable people. If you act reasonably and use the cooperative problem-solving…
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Bullies At Work
Bullies at Work © 2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Workplace bullying is a growing international problem. It is more than a one-time incident. It is a pattern of…
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Are Your Personality Awareness Skills Up to Date?
Are Your Personality Awareness Skills Up to Date?© 2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. & L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW Whether you’re choosing a friend, getting married,…
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Managing HCPs in Civil Litigation
© 2015 John C. Edwards, Esq. It is expected and understood by most people in the legal profession that because of the intensely personal nature of the issues…
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Personality Awareness Skills
© 2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Whether you’re choosing a friend, getting married, deciding where to work, electing a leader (such as a President) or just trying…
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7 Steps to Tackle Organizational “Splitting”
7 Steps to Tackle Organizational “Splitting”Why it happens. What you can do.© 2016 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW Organizational splitting…
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Need to Set Limits With a High Conflict Person? Give 'Em Your EAR®.
<p>When dealing with high-conflict people in close relationships or at work, it is especially important to set limits on their unrestrained aggressive behavior, yet to do it in a way that doesn’t make things worse.</p>
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Boundaries in Separation and Divorce
Boundaries in Separation and Divorce© 2016 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., CFLSWhen parents start living in two separate households, they need to redefine their…
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Keep the Conflict Small! (With Managed Emotions)
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Whether you’re having an argument with a family member, friend or co-worker, it’s easy nowadays to make little conflicts way too…
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Can Relationships with People who have Borderline Personalities be Saved?
<p>The more I studied human behavior, particularly the brain’s role in relationships and conflict, the more wasteful it seemed. I asked myself: Was a segment of society incapable of having successful relationships?</p>
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New Ways for Work®: A New Coaching Method
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. & L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW High Conflict Institute offers a brand-new coaching method for managing difficult employees and…
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Difficult Person or High Conflict Person? - HCP is Not a Diagnosis
<p>I recommend having a “Private Working Theory” that someone may be an HCP. You DON’T tell the person and you don’t assume you are right. </p>
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I Don't Have Time for This! - Dealing with Stressful People and Situations
<p>"The next time you are aware of your stress and feel overwhelmed take the risk and do what appears to be counter-intuitive."</p>
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Three Theories of Your Case
© 2015 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.We live in an age of easy allegations and elusive truths. We all frequently get sucked into other people’s conflicts in which…
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Narcissists As Leaders
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Georgi DiStefano, LCSW[Excerpt from Chapter 3 of the Axiom award-winning book It’s All Your Fault at Work: Managing…
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Red Flags: Spotting High-Conflict Clients in Legal Cases
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Most attorneys know that there are potential high conflict clients out there who can make your life miserable with numerous…
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Taking the Assertive Approach in Family Court
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Family court presents a difficult dilemma for reasonable people. If you act reasonably and use the cooperative problem-solving…
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Communicating with High Conflict People - From “Fuhgeddaboudit” to “What’s Your Proposal?”
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.High Conflict People (HCPs) tend to have a pattern of self-defeating and upsetting behavior. Generally, this pattern includes:A…
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The CARS Method® for Resolving High Conflict Situations
The CARS Method® is Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano's four-part framework — Connecting, Analyzing, Responding, and Setting limits — for resolving high-conflict situations.
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How to respond when someone attacks you publicly
© 2015 Trissan DicomesHow do I defend myself? Say your coworker fires off another nasty email accusing you of dressing sloppily. She goes on and on about how…
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Are High Conflict People Ruining Your Business?
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. & L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW[Originally published by Capital Business, a subsidiary of the Washington Post, in March 2015]Are…
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Can You Coach High Conflict People to Change?
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW The answer, of course, is “it depends.” This article explains some of the factors that have helped…
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1,000 Little Bricks Can Build a Wall of Child Alienation
© 2015 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Excerpted from the book Don't Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce by Bill Eddy,…
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Guilt, Shame, and Focusing on the Future
© 2015 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. It’s common to have feelings of guilt and shame when going through a separation or divorce – whether you initiated the…
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Groundhog Day on the Job: Dealing with High Conflict Co-Workers
© 2015 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. A surprising occurrence for many individuals in the workplace is the notion of Groundhog Day when dealing with someone who may…
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Setting the Agenda (For Meetings That Include Potentially High-Conflict People)
© 2015 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSWWhether you are a manager developing the agenda for a team meeting, a mediator or lawyer setting…
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Why They Don’t Get It?
Why Don't They Get It?© 2015 By L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW and Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.It’s so aggravating! No matter what you say or do, that certain employee is…
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What Baseball Can Teach Us At Work
© 2015 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSWAs both therapists and attorney, we have spoken with hundreds of clients over the years. From…
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10 Thoughts for Divorcing Parents
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Pat knew divorce was inevitable. It was a matter of WHEN? After the children are past the age of 5? 8? 10? 14? They had all…
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Why New Ways for Families® is Online
© 2014 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. New Ways for Families® for Separation and Divorce New Ways for Families® is a skills training method for potentially…
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Should I Just Let Go?
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.This blog is dedicated to coping with difficult communications and High-Conflict People. All too often, parents get caught up in…
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Can You Get a Difficult Person to Change?
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. “Just get over it,” I remember the judge saying in court to a divorced man and woman, who had returned to court for the…
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7 Tips for Managing Your Narcissistic Boss
Dealing with a narcissistic boss? Bill Eddy shares 7 practical tips for managing a high-conflict manager while protecting your job — and your sanity.
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Hiring a Divorce Lawyer Who Understands High Conflict
©2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Excerpt from Chapter 7: Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality…
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It's All Your Fault At Work: Author Interview
© 2014 By Georgi DiStefano [An Interview with It’s All Your Fault at Work! co-authors, Bill Eddy and Georgi DiStefano] Q: Although you have many years’ of…
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Living with a Histrionic Personality: Do’s and Don’ts
Theatrical, dramatic, exaggerated — recognize histrionic personality patterns and learn practical do's and don'ts for living with one, from Bill Eddy.
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Living with an Antisocial Personality: Do’s and Don’ts
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.You can learn to coexist with a person with an Antisocial High Conflict Personality by following these and other tips. HAVE YOU…
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Do's and Don'ts for Living with a Borderline
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. You can learn to coexist with a person with a Borderline High Conflict Personality by following these and other tips. DO YOU…
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Do's and Don'ts for Living with a Narcissist
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.You can learn to coexist with a Narcissist by following these and other tips.ARE YOU INVOLVED WITH THIS PERSON?Comes off as…
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Quick Tips for Controlling Communications with a Hostile Ex
© 2914 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Divorce, separation or ending any relationship is tough. It just plain hurts and it can be hard to eat, sleep, work or focus. If…
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The Trouble with Making Decisions
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.The following is an excerpt from the book: The Future of Family Court: Structure, Skills and Less StressThe Trouble with Making…
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Proposals and BIFF: Two Simple Methods for Mediating With a High-Conflict Person
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.A generation ago, most family law clients went to court for dividing debts and property and to decide issues about the children.…
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How To Avoid Feeling Like A Doormat When Someone Treats You BAD
<p>Since you’re reading this blog, I’ll assume you have a difficult person in your life; someone who blows up at little things, puts words in your mouth and plays the role of a professional victim. I’m not referring to ax murderers, although they are certainly bad. I’m talking about people we call HCP’s (High Conflict People). They are expert at blaming you for their problems and frustrate you to no end with their aggressive behavior. The key to dealing with it is to understand it, so read on.</p>
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The Secret to Understanding Why Some People Are Always MAD
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. We all have to deal with it sometimes: A waiter acts as if you’re an inconvenience. Someone flips you off on the highway. You…
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The Most Annoying Thing About Difficult People and What You Can Do About It
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Let’s say you recently started job. Everything went smoothly and you felt like you were fitting in, but you noticed that other…
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How to Deal With Angry Emails and Messages and Keep Your Sanity
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Irate messages – especially email, texts and other electronic formats– are increasingly common. A relative blames you for…
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Why Healing is Hard for High-Conflict People
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.“Just get over it,” I remember the judge saying in court to a divorced man and woman, who had returned to court for the…
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Should Mediation and Counseling Replace Today’s Family Court? (Part 3)
© 2014 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq In Part I of this article (July, High Conflict Institute/Unhooked Books Report), I addressed the changing clientele of today’s…
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Don’t Ask “Why?” Ask “What’s Your Proposal?”
<p>Today’s culture is riddled with disrespectful challenges that are totally unnecessary. Rather than becoming more informed by discussions of current events or other issues, people often end up with personal criticisms, defensiveness, anger and frustration.</p>
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Coaching Clients to Make Proposals
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Whether you are a lawyer, mediator, collaborative practitioner or other professional involved in dispute resolution, you know…
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The Future of Family Court: Pattern Analysis
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. [An excerpt from The Future of Family Court by Bill Eddy] For those who are unable to resolve their disputes by learning…
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Misunderstanding Family Systems in Today’s Divorces and Family Court
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Family systems theory has been around for decades, but there is little discussion of it today. Yet understanding how family…
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Parenting Coordination and Skills for High-Conflict Families
© 2014 by Megan Hunter, MBA, and Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.IntroductionParenting Coordination has been growing rapidly around the United States and other countries…
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Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)
© 2014 By Jodie Crump and Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Introduction by Bill Eddy: New Ways for Families®, developed as a project of High Conflict Institute, draws…
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Removing 90% of High Conflict cases from Family Court
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. New Ways for Families® in Divorce From my travels giving seminars around the United States, Canada, Australia and other…
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Should Mediators Make Proposals?
© 2014 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. When working with high-conflict cases in mediation – or any mediation – it’s not unusual for the parties to turn to the…
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When Storytelling Hurts Conflict Resolution
© 2013 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. One of the most common aspects of dispute resolution methods is hearing each party’s story of the case at the start of the…
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Students Should Learn They’re NOT Special!
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Each year I teach a 2-weekend course at Pepperdine University’s School of Law at their Strauss Institute for Dispute Resolution.…
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Workplace Bullying – Against the Law?
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. When I was recently in Australia, I had the opportunity to give a seminar in Canberra (the nation’s capital) about the dynamics…
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Mediating High Conflict Disputes
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.When I was in Australia a couple weeks ago, one of my seminars focused on a new approach to mediating high conflict disputes –…
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Child Alienation: “1000 Little Bricks”
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. [An excerpt from the book Don't Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce] In this…
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Thoughts on Shared Parenting Presumptions (Part 4/4)
Part 4 of Bill Eddy's series on whether family law should adopt a shared-parenting presumption — and how high-conflict dynamics complicate the debate.
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Thoughts on Shared Parenting Presumptions (Part 3/4)
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Thoughts on Shared Parenting Presumptions (Part 3/4) Research It has been said that you can find research to support any…
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Interview with a Retired-Judge Mediator
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. On March 20, 2013, I sat down with Judge Susan Finlay (retired), who became a divorce mediator with the National Conflict…
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Thoughts on Shared Parenting Presumptions (Part 2/4)
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Thoughts on Shared Parenting Presumptions (Part 2/4) Different Needs at Different Ages Birth to age 5: Generally, this is a…
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The 90% Rule
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. From my experience as a lawyer, mediator and therapist – as well as reading a lot of research – I believe that at least 10% of…
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Misunderstanding Incivility and How to Stop It
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Recently there has been growing discussion of incivility in all areas of modern life. Public figures, professionals and the…
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Can Borderlines Share Parenting?
Response to Article: Can Borderlines Share Parenting?© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.In 2010, when my book Don’t Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children…
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What to Tell the Kids About a High-Conflict Co-Parent
<p>Many parents have asked us about how to raise a child or children with a co-parent (whether a spouse, former spouse or unmarried partner) who is “high-conflict.” In other words, the co-parent frequently exhibits some or all of the following</p>
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Skills Before Decisions: Can Difficult Clients Learn Decision-Making Skills?
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.This article proposes some solutions to recent concerns raised by family lawyers, counselors, mediators and judges. How do we…
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Making Proposals
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Any problem in the past can be turned into a proposal about the future. Proposals don’t have to be complicated. You can just…
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Overcoming the Top 6 Unnecessary Barriers to Settlement
© 2013 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Nowadays, people involved in legal disputes are encouraged to settle their cases out of court. In fact, only about 5% of legal…
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How to Survive the Holidays with an Antisocial Relative
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.[excerpted from It's All Your Fault! by Bill Eddy] Don’t Get ConnedWhile Antisocial “Con Artists” are the best at lying and…
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Prevent the Next Shooting: Focus on the Youth Deficit!
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.I have tremendous empathy for the children, parents, teachers and staff at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT. They…
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Pre-Mediation Coaching: 4 Skills for Your Mediation Clients
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Whether you are a lawyer, counselor, manager or other professional, you are likely to be involved in mediation regularly or…
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How is New Ways for Families® Different Than A Parenting Class?
© 2012 By Michelle Jensen, MSW, JD New Ways for Families® is a short term, structured counseling method for parents re-organizing their families after a…
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Coaching for BIFF Response®
© 2012 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. A BIFF Response® is designed to calm a hostile conversation. They can be written (or said) by anyone, although it takes practice…
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Thoughts on Shared Parenting Presumptions (Part 1/4)
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Thoughts on Shared Parenting Presumptions (Part 1/4) A controversial issue today in family law is whether there should be a…
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Calm Yourself with Encouraging Statements
<p>When we’re real upset, it’s hard to solve problems. That’s because the problem-solving parts of our brain shut down when we’re real angry, afraid or otherwise defensive.</p>
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Splitting at Work: How High-Conflict People Divide Teams
How high-conflict colleagues split workplaces into 'allies' and 'enemies' — and what managers and HR can do to stop the damage. From Bill Eddy.
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New Ways For Mediation®: Explaining The Method Step-by-Step
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Mediating high-conflict disputes requires a more structured process than that used in most ordinary conflicts. This is…
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It’s All Your Fault – At Work!
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Have you noticed more people engaging in “high conflict” behavior these days at work? A customer in a store yells loudly at a…
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4 Dilemmas in Family Court
4 Dilemmas in Family Court© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.I am writing this in response to a blog comment which raises some important concerns about family…
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Lessons from Steve Jobs’ Biography: HCP or Collaborative Leader?
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. “Plays well with others,” would not be an expression that applied to Steve Jobs at any age. Yet he was the co-founder and CEO…
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Times of High Risk with High Conflict People
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. We all have dealings with high-conflict people, in our families, at work and in our communities. They often catch us by…
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Conclusion on a Shared Parenting Presumption
Bill Eddy's conclusion on adopting a legal shared-parenting presumption, and what it means for resolving high-conflict child custody disputes.
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Alienation Update
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Several years ago I wrote an article on Calming the Alienation Debate, which later evolved into my book titled Don’t Alienate…
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Managing High Conflict People in Court
BEFORE YOU GO TO COURT© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, ESQ Make Sure You Have Realistic ExpectationsIn Court, the judge or jury will never really know what is going…
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The Need for Directive Counseling in High-Conflict Divorce
© 2012 By Stephen Carter, Ph.D., Registered Psychologist The end of many relationships can involve high emotions and hurt feelings but typically in time such…
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The Politics of Alienation
The Politics of Alienation© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.I just finished writing a book about child alienation (Don’t Alienate the Kids!), broadly defined as…
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Beware of HCPs Who Are Persuasive Blamers
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. [Excerpted from It's All Your Fault!] Instead of adapting to their social group and current environment, HCPs try to get others…
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How Big Is This Problem Today?
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. [Excerpted from It's All Your Fault!] In 2004, a study funded by the National Institutes of Health (N.I.H.) reported that 14.8%…
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Josh Powell Case: Times of High Risk ARE Predictable
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. None of us can predict who is going to commit a family murder, such as the murder-suicide of Josh Powell and his two young sons…
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Marriage Conflict Skills: Finding the Balance
Marriage Conflict Skills: Finding the Balance© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.This week is National Marriage week.As the website…
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New Ways in Canada for Separating and Divorcing Families
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.On Jan. 24 and 25, I did a whirlwind tour of three cities in southern Alberta in Canada, training 60 judges in the New Ways for…
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BIFFs for Business and Professions
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Excerpted from BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns…
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Strategic Questions For Dispute Resolvers
© 2012 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Asking questions is one of the most powerful – and often misused – tools for professionals in dispute resolution settings,…
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Compassion for High Conflict People
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.As the year draws to a close and we focus on holiday celebrations, wethink about others including the less fortunate. All year…
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3 Leadership Lessons from the Iraq War
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I started writing this month’s eNewsletter article (“Building a Team Against the Problem”) before realizing that this month was…
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Excerpt: It's All Your Fault : Arbitration
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Arbitration Arbitration is a more formal dispute resolution process. It’s built into the power structure for many…
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Managing Personality-Disordered Parents
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I just finished a two-day seminar on Managing Personality-Disordered Parents, sponsored by the AFCC (Association for Family and…
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Managing High-Conflict Clients: Ethics and Risk Management
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. On November 22, I gave an all-day seminar in London, Ontario, to about 80 therapists, child welfare professionals, family…
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Elder Mediation – A Growing Field for Family Mediators
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Recently, I participated in a panel of speakers in Los Angeles at an Elder Mediation Institute for the Southern California…
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HCI Pattern Analysis - for Parenting Disputes in Divorce
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq HCI Pattern Analysis™ is a powerful new software service that assists parents and professionals dealing with a high conflict…
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Personality Patterns: Myers Briggs vs. High Conflict Personalities
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.For the past three years I have been teaching a law school class at Pepperdine University’s Strauss Institute of Dispute…
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Building A Team Against The Problem
© 2011 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Whether you are a manager, mediator, lawyer or other type of professional dispute resolver, one of the common problems you face…
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Why I Wrote Splitting
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I started writing Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder…
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Managing a Blamer with an Assertive Approach
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Excerpted from Splitting... ...After the hearing, the judge ordered Sam and Sarah into a custody evaluation, and awardedSam…
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Incivility in the Workplace: A Growing Problem
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Times have changed. Incivility is growing in the workplace, as well as in most areas of our society. How big of a problem is…
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Splitting: Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Excerpted from Splitting... Borderline Abandonment Rage Mental health professionals are very familiar with the fear of…
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Managing High Conflict People in Court: The role of cognitive distortions
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. An excerpt from Managing High Conflict People in Court. Ideal reading for judges, lawyers, mediators, and anyone who is…
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Splitting: Blamers and Targets in High-Conflict Divorce
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Excerpted from Splitting: Preparing for a Difficult Divorce Preparing Yourself Sarah was scared. She didn’t know what to…
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Quick Start Guide (for Avoiding A High Conflict Divorce)
© 2011 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. and Randi Kreger(Excerpt from SPLITTING: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic…
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Splitting: high-conflict divorces in family court have increased
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Over the past several years, the family court system has received more and more public attention as the number of high-conflict…
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Splitting: Why We Wrote this Book
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. We met in 2002, when few people going through a divorce had heard of borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic…
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Splitting: Family-Court Facts Without Escalation
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Splitting : Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with a Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder We sincerely…
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BIFF In Action: At the Workplace
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. A Workplace Example Rochelle’s boss, Phil, sent an email to the manager of a major project they were working on, explaining…
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Marriage Is Declining Rapidly! Does It Matter?
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I read this week that there has been a significant decline in marriage rates, especially in the past two years. 57% of adults…
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What's Your Goal?
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.There are usually three goals to consider with HCPs:To manage the relationship, such as when you work with the person, when this…
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When to Respond with a BIFF? In general, it’s best to respond quickly. Here's why...
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.HCPs tend to believe that you agree with their opinions of you unless you quickly disagree. Unfortunately, silence means consent…
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HCPs and Personality Disorders
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Not all people with personality disorders are HCPs, because many of those with personality disorders are not preoccupied with…
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Personality Disorders Appear To Be Increasing
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Recent research suggests that more and more people are growing up with personality disorders. This may explain why there appears…
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Excerpted from BIFF: How lack of self-awarness drives high conflict communications
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Following Tuesday's post, a HCPs lack of self-awareness fuels combative communications. It runs rampant in their emails, social…
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New Ways for Families® Training
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I just finished a 2-day “New Ways for Families®” training in Alberta, Canada, for the YWCA of Calgary. The YWCA just received a…
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BIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. High-Conflict Personalities HCPs have a repeated pattern of aggressive behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or…
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How to Respond to Blamespeak
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. BIFF: Responding to Blamespeak Many people initially react to Blamespeak with Blamespeak of their own (“counter Blamespeak”) –…
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Talking To The Right Brain In A Conflict
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.One of the biggest tasks for dispute resolvers in any setting is calming highly-upset people enough to focus them on problem…
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Use and Abuse of Social Media in High-Conflict Cases
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Facebook and other social media offer the opportunity to communicate with many people at once. In many ways, this can be a good…
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Is your child rejecting one parent? (Part 3/3)
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. WHY DO ALIENATED CHILDREN FEEL SO STRONGLY? Alienated children generally show intensely negative emotions and an absence of…
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Is your child rejecting one parent? (Part 2/3)
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. IS THIS THE RESULT OF “PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME?” It is important to know that the courts across the country have not…
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Is your child rejecting one parent? (Part 1/3)
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.In divorce or separation, 10% - 15% of children express strong resistance to spending time with one of their parents – and this…
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Reducing Conflict During Divorce when a Spouse has a Personality Disorder
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, EsqI was recently interviewed by Deborah Moskovitch for Divorce Source Radio. Please give it a listen and offer any…
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HCP is Not a Diagnosis
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.For over a decade I have been writing and teaching about HCPs (“High Conflict Personalities” or “High Conflict People”) in legal…
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Divorce and Mediation in Sweden
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.I just gave an all-day seminar to approximately 300 family law social workers in Sweden who do divorce mediations and…
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Should there be a 50-50 Parenting Presumption in Divorce?
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.In general, I am a strong proponent of shared parenting, at least 70-30, and many of my clients have 50-50 shared parenting.…
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Huffington Post talked to HCI about High Conflict People and Divorce
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Excerpted from the above article... Charlie Sheen keeps telling us he's special, but is he really that unique? We've read…
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High Conflict People, Loss and Violence
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Family law attorneys and clients are grieving the shooting deaths two days ago (Feb. 16) of Judy Soley, CFLS and Sandra…
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10 Myths About High-Conflict Divorce
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. After working with divorcing families for over 30 years, first as a social worker and then as a family law attorney, I believe…
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Bipolar Disorder and High-Conflict People
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.I’ve been asked how to deal with High Conflict People (HCPs) with bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder causes wide mood swings of…
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Can Halle and Gabriel Share Nahla?
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Once again we have a famous couple starting to fight over raising their child. (See last week’s blog about Bristol and Levi.)…
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Calming Upset People with EAR
© 2011 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD Everyone gets upset some of the time. High conflict people get upset a lot of the time. A simple technique called an EAR…
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Can't Stop Themselves!
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.What do dictators, spousal abusers and workplace bullies have in common? They all seem to be people with “High-Conflict”…
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Second-Hand Shock: Shed the Shame!
© 2011 By Vicki Carpel Miller, BSM, MS, LMFT, Ellie Izzo, PhD, LPC, and Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Guest Bloggers: Vicki Carpel Miller & Ellie Izzo Authors of new…
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Parental Rights? Who cares?
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.The news hubbub today is that Bristol Palin wants Levi Johnson, the father of their child Tripp, to just give up his parental…
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Are We Not a Nation?
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Here’s my suggestion for The President’s Speech tomorrow night on the State of the Union:My fellow Americans: Are we not a…
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Do We Need High-Conflict Judges? (On American Idol, that is!)
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. There’s a high-level policy discussion going on in America right now: Should the American Idol judges be mean? After all, Simon…
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Political Rhetoric and Mental Illness
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Some in the news are excited to say that the shooter of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords may have been mentally ill, in which…
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Who Do You Blame?
© 2011 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.We live in a Culture of Blame, where individuals are blamed and attacked for complex social and political problems. This has…
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Does Ridicule Stop Alienation?
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I just read about a recent high conflict divorce case in Ontario, Canada in the December 17th national paper, the Globe and…
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The Best Parenting Skills
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I just finished reading an article about best parenting skills, based on a large research study, in the latest issue of…
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Dental Alienation
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. People have asked me how someone can alienate a child against someone else. Actually, it's easy. It only takes 10 steps and a…
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Should Parental Alienation be a Diagnosis?
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I believe that some children are alienated against one of their parents for no specific appropriate reason. As a social worker,…
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Kids and Self-Esteem
Kids and Self-Esteem © 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I just got back from a 2-week vacation hiking in Peru. It’s a really beautiful country, but also really…
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Clear Court Orders for Shared Parenting
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. I’ve been asked to say more about clear court orders when a reasonable parent shares parenting with someone with a borderline…
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Can Narcissists Share Parenting?
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. In my last blog, I asked the same question about people with borderline personalities. Borderlines and narcissists seem to be…
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Is Alienation a One-Parent Issue?
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. In this article I am responding to a comment left to a previous article by a custody evaluator and parenting coordinator. It…
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My Alienation Blog
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. For the next few months, I’m going to be blogging about child alienation – the subject of my new book: Don’t Alienate the Kids!…
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When Math People and Feelings People Negotiate
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. As a mediator and as an attorney, I’ve noticed that some cases get stuck because one party is a “math person” and the other…
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Mediation for Bullies?
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. There is increasing discussion these days of whether or not mediation can be useful in cases of workplace bullying. On the one…
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The Reasonable Parent’s Dilemma
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. [Excerpts from the book Don’t Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High Conflict Divorce, © 2010 by…
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Is Family Court Broken?
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. In a recent TV show, Dr. Phil said the family court system is broken. He was referring to several cases in which a parent…
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New Book About Alienation Released
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. After three years of hard work, I've finished my book, Don't Alienate the Kids! Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High…
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High Conflict People and Workplace Violence
© 2010 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Now we have another workplace shooting incident to analyze. This one apparently by a female faculty member at the University of…
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Good People, Bad Behavior
© 2009 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. A few days ago, I just got back from a great 5-day conference called the Evolution of Psychotherapy. It’s held once every five…
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Old Ways, New Ways: How “New Ways For Families®” Is Different
© 2009 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. After over 16 years as a family law attorney (Certified Family Law Specialist), preceded by 12 years as a therapist (Licensed…
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Don’t Use “Force”
© 2009 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. “I won’t force the children to go with the other parent,” is one of the statements I hear sometimes from parents going through…
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New Ways for Mediation℠
© 2009 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Mediating high-conflict disputes requires a more structured process than that used in most ordinary conflicts. This is especially…
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Handling Alienation in New Ways for Families®
© 2009 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. There is no issue more controversial and confusing in divorce than a child’s resistance or refusal to spend time with a parent…
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What (Not Who) Killed Michael Jackson
© 2009 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.In the media frenzy about finding who to blame for Michael Jackson’s death, I got to thinking about personality development (you…
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Handling Domestic Violence in New Ways for Families®
© 2009 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. The High Conflict Institute has developed a new method for handling high conflict family law cases, titled New Ways for…
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High Conflict Mediation: 4 Tips For Mediators
© 2009 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.High conflict people (HCPs) are highly defensive, preoccupied with blaming others, and desperate to receive validation for…
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Time to Calm the Alienation Debate
© 2009 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.I just got back after a 7-day speaking trip ranging from New Orleans (state bar family law section), to Indianapolis (federal…
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Con Artists at Work on Wall Street
© 2009 Megan L. Hunter, MBA Reports of financial fraud on Wall Street causing losses in the millions for many Americans have been front and center recently.…
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Can We Afford High Conflict Divorces Forever?
© 2008 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. According to news reports, on December 24, 2008, Bruce Pardo dressed up as Santa Claus and killed his soon-to-be ex-wife, her…
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Personality Disorders in the News
© 2008 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. A new study was released Monday, December 1, in the publication, Archives of General Psychiatry. This study is the most…
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Beware of High Conflict Politicians
© 2008 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. As the election season heats up, politician behavior becomes a major concern. Over the past 15 years, I have been an attorney…
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Dealing with Dilemmas in Collaborative Practice
© 2008 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Collaborative practice is riddled with dilemmas. One of the common ones is deciding whether we should take this case. “Is it…
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Narcissism and the Meltdown
© 2008 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.I don’t know if you saw an Associated Press article in your newspaper last week (10/7/08) about a Los Angeles area married man…
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Lying In Family Court
© 2008 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. When I became a family law attorney/mediator after a dozen years as a therapist, one of the biggest surprises was the extent of…
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Keeping Your Cool Response
By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.The same approach applies to high conflict professionals. Don’t take their behavior personally. Don’t engage when you can avoid it. Get…
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Reigning In The Adversarial Process Response
By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Thank you for your feedback on my book. I’m glad it was helpful. My emphasis is on problem-solving rather than making “judgments” of…
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Attachment and Alienation
© 2008 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Two issues these days that are getting more attention in high conflict families are “attachment” and “alienation.” At High…
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Definitions Related to High Conflict Personalities
© 2007 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. The following are some of the common terms used in the family law community by mental health and legal professionals. The terms…
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Before You Go To Family Court
© 2007 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Make Sure You Have Realistic Expectations In Family Court, the judge will never really know what is going on in your case. The…
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Responding to Hostile Email
© 2007 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Hostile email, texts and other electronic communications have become much more common over the past decade. Most of this is…
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Is Your Child “Alienated”?
© 2007 By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. IS YOUR CHILD REJECTING ONE PARENT? In divorce or separation, 10% - 15% of children express strong resistance to spending time…
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How To Write A BIFF Response®
Use the BIFF method — Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm — to write calm responses to hostile emails and texts. Step-by-step examples from Bill Eddy.
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Ten Thoughts For Divorcing Parents
© 2007 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. Pat knew divorce was inevitable. It was a matter of WHEN? After the children are past the age of 5? 8? 10? 14? They had all tried…
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Evaluating Sexual Abuse Reports In Family Court
© 2007 Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. One of the most difficult issues which can confront parents, counselors, attorneys and judges is the concern that a child has been…
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