A high-conflict ex, parent, sibling, spouse, co-parent, or coworker drains your energy in ways most people don't understand. The High Conflict Institute® built Conflict Influencer® specifically for individuals like you — a separate site where all of our classes for individuals live, including the live Online Group Class, the New Ways for Families® classes, and 1:1 coaching.
The High Conflict Institute trains professionals — attorneys, mediators, therapists, HR, judges — to handle high-conflict cases in their work. The methodology started there and that's still what HCI is known for.
But over the years, more and more individuals found us looking for help with a high-conflict person in their own lives. They didn't need professional training. They needed a partner in their own situation. So HCI built Conflict Influencer® — a separate brand and a separate site — to serve that need without diluting the professional positioning.
Same method. Same researchers. Same evidence base. Different audience and different format.
If you're an individual dealing with a high-conflict person, you want Conflict Influencer® — not the professional training programs on this site.
High-conflict patterns repeat across very different situations. Each of these has been a starting point for thousands of Conflict Influencer® students.
If your ex turns every handoff into a fight, weaponizes the kids, sends hostile texts about minor logistics, or makes every shared decision impossible — you're dealing with a high-conflict co-parent. Standard advice ("just communicate better") doesn't work because the conflict isn't about the topic. It's about the personality pattern.
High-conflict divorce isn't just contentious — it's a years-long battle where ordinary lawyering tactics get used against you. The patterns (sudden escalation, false allegations, custody weaponization, financial brinkmanship) repeat across cases regardless of the legal issue. Knowing the pattern protects you.
A high-conflict parent or sibling can pull you back into the same destructive dynamic decade after decade. Learning to set limits, manage your reactions, and disengage from the bait gives you space to live your own life without cutting them off (unless that's what you choose).
If your partner cycles between idealization and devaluation, picks fights over nothing, blames you for their own emotions, and makes you feel like you're the problem — those are recognizable patterns. Understanding them is the first step to deciding what you want to do about them.
When the high-conflict person is your boss, your peer, or a customer you can't fire — HR isn't going to solve it for you. The same de-escalation tools work in employment contexts. The goal: keep your job, your sanity, and a clean record while limiting the damage.
Sometimes the high-conflict person isn't close enough to cut off but close enough to make life difficult. HOA disputes, in-law drama, community conflict — the same response patterns apply when you can't change the relationship but want to stop being pulled into chaos.
A 6-week live, virtual interactive group class for adults dealing with a high-conflict person in any relationship — co-parent, ex-spouse, parent, sibling, partner, coworker, neighbor, or friend. Small-group format so you learn alongside others navigating similar dynamics, built on the proven High Conflict Institute methodology.
Practical skills, role play, and guided discussion. Each session gives you a skill you can use that week.
Enroll in the next cohort →New Ways for Families® is the structured family-skills method developed by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. — used in family courts and ordered as a parenting program in many jurisdictions across the U.S. and internationally. Two on-demand classes on Conflict Influencer® give individuals direct access to the method — one for parents in divorce or separation, one for couples and families staying together (with or without kids). Both include an optional 3-session coaching add-on with HCI experts.
For parents navigating divorce, separation, or high-conflict co-parenting. Court-approved in many jurisdictions as a pre-decision program.
Enroll →
For couples and families staying together — with or without kids. Tools for chronic conflict, rebuilding, or before things escalate.
Enroll →Prefer to work with a professional in your area? HCI doesn't make individual referrals, but you can browse our list of HCI-trained professionals — counselors, therapists, parenting coordinators, and family law professionals trained in the New Ways for Families® method, searchable by location.
Conflict Influencer® teaches the same proprietary methods HCI uses to train courts, lawyers, and clinicians — translated for personal use.
Reply to hostile email, text, or messaging without escalating. Brief. Informative. Friendly. Firm. Trains you to stop responding emotionally and start responding strategically.
Three-second verbal moves that calm an upset person before they escalate further — Empathy, Attention, Respect. Works in person, on the phone, or in mediation.
The four skills HCI teaches in every class: Flexible Thinking, Managed Emotions, Moderate Behaviors, Checking Yourself. Your tools for navigating any high-conflict relationship.
A four-part framework for the hardest cases: Connecting with Empathy, Analyzing options, Responding to misinformation, Setting limits and consequences.
"First and foremost it gave me peace of mind — I often felt like I was in the twilight zone with the things being said and done, but the tools (BIFF and others) help me see what's going on and deal with it in the best way possible. The weekly sessions of simply working through exercises and talking with others in the same situation was my therapy for about 6 months. Their lessons are backed by great science and put together so beautifully and easy to understand for anyone."
V.V. Conflict Influencer® Class participant
"The class helped us understand the high-conflict personality pattern. That knowledge allows us to use the skills presented rather than just get angry. We enjoyed hearing Megan's reaction to specific struggles students in the class were experiencing. We are very impressed by Megan's thorough knowledge of all the topics presented."
A.C. Conflict Influencer® Class participant · Parent
"I am so grateful I happened upon HCI and the Conflict Influencer classes. After a custody battle our nerves were fried — we'd lost sight of how to handle things well. This course shed so much light on the high-conflict personality type and truly brought us back to a mentally healthy baseline. Months later we are still using the tools and it has made an incredible difference."
J.H. Conflict Influencer® Class participant · Stepmother
A high-conflict person (HCP) has a recurring pattern of behavior that escalates conflict instead of resolving it: blaming others, all-or-nothing thinking, intense emotional reactions, and extreme behaviors. They're not necessarily diagnosable with any mental health condition — what defines them is the pattern, not a label. Roughly 10–15% of any population shows this pattern persistently. Recognizing it changes how you respond.
Conflict Influencer® is the High Conflict Institute's sister program built specifically for individuals dealing with a high-conflict person in their own life — an ex, a parent, a sibling, a spouse, a coworker. It teaches the same evidence-based methodology HCI uses to train professionals, adapted for personal use. Learn more at conflictinfluencer.com.
Therapy is helpful for managing your own emotions and processing the situation. Conflict Influencer® is focused on the practical question: what do you actually DO when the other person is escalating? It complements therapy — many of our learners use both simultaneously.
No. The HCP framework is a lens for understanding behavior patterns — it is not a clinical diagnosis you can apply to someone else, and using the label as a weapon ("you're a high-conflict person!") inflames the situation. Use the framework privately to inform your own choices.
Yes. The methodology was developed by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq. — a clinical social worker, attorney, and senior family mediator with 40+ years of professional experience — based on his clinical work and patterns observed across thousands of high-conflict cases. It has been adopted by family courts, mediation programs, and mental health professionals across the U.S. and internationally.
Many courts specifically order the New Ways for Families® in Divorce / Separation online class — you can enroll directly at conflictinfluencer.com and complete it on your own schedule. Courts widely accept the certificate of completion. If your order requires a credentialed provider working with you in-person or one-on-one, HCI doesn't make individual referrals, but you can browse our list of professionals trained in the method at conflictinfluencer.com/providers (searchable by location).
For most individuals, the best starting point is the Conflict Influencer® online course at conflictinfluencer.com. It's self-paced, you can begin immediately, and it covers everything from recognizing the pattern to specific scripts for the most common situations. For more acute situations, 1:1 consultations are also available. If you're a parent specifically dealing with co-parenting or divorce, the Conflict Influencer® Co-Parenting Class (built around the New Ways for Families® methodology) is the right starting point.
Free, practical articles on the situations we hear about most — plus the books behind the methods.
Conflict Influencer® is where all of our individual classes live — Online Group Class, New Ways for Families® curriculum, 1:1 coaching, and more. Same High Conflict Institute methodology used worldwide, adapted for you.