Is Incivility Increasing? If so, What Can We Do About It?
© 2026 by Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.
You can probably guess the answer to whether incivility is increasing. Just look around at family, friends, workplaces, neighborhoods, and, of course, in the news and online. Yes, research tells us that incivility is on the rise, especially in the workplace and legal disputes, but also in general.
In this article I briefly explain concerns about incivility in the workplace which can come from customers and co-workers, as well as training that HCI offers to address this. I also explain concerns about incivility in the practice of law, which can come from colleagues, clients and others, as well as some resources that HCI provides. Lastly, I include some simple tips for what everyone can do to help manage incivility in their own lives.
In the Workplace
A recent paper by the well-regarded Security Executive Council reported the following:
“National surveys indicate most U.S. workers see society as uncivil, with employees experiencing hundreds of millions of rude interactions daily – costing businesses an estimated $2 billion per day in lost productivity. The report charts increases in workplace disrespect, retail theft, rule defiance, and even violent incidents since 2019, warning that these trends are undermining employee morale and safety.”
The report indicates that companies are beginning to respond, but most organizations are not prepared for this increase in a new “climate of aggression.”
This rise in uncivil behavior is coming from customers as well as co-workers. There seems to be permission these days to treat anyone badly if you feel so inclined. In 2021, a year after the beginning of the Covid pandemic, the Workplace Bullying Institute put out a survey. The results found that 58% of the respondents agreed that “the display of bullying, disrespect and intolerance of the opinions of others by politicians and public figures affected workplaces,” because they “encouraged aggression” and “granted permission to ignore rules.” What is surprising is that in 2026, after Covid is significantly diminished, we are seeing more, rather than less, workplace incivility.
What Can Be Done?
High Conflict Institute trainers have been addressing “high conflict” behavior for the past 18 years. We have found a lot of success with training professionals and individuals to use several simple communication techniques to calm upset people and to redirect angry venting into problem-solving. We teach managers the CARS Method, which includes Connecting with empathy, attention and respect. By making efforts to connect this way with an upset or angry person, rather than getting angry back, we have found that within 30 seconds many people calm down and can begin to discuss possible solutions to whatever their problem was. “I hear your frustration. Tell me more, I want to understand the situation you are facing.”
Such a response is much more effective than being nasty back or telling someone to “just calm down!” Helping people think of proposals (Analyzing options) can also shift them from anger to problem-solving. Teaching people to respond to hostility in writing with a BIFF Response (the “R” in CARS is Responding) is simple and has been widely used. It stands for brief, informative, friendly, and firm, which tends to inspire a more civil response if the other person responds at all. The “S” in CARS stands for Setting limits and imposing consequences, which is often the hardest but most important part of managing high conflict and uncivil behavior.
For employees, we teach the “4 Big Skills for Life” which are: flexible thinking, managed emotions, moderate behaviors, and checking yourself, primarily through a method called New Ways for Work Coaching. This includes a Workbook and individual coaching sessions for practicing these interpersonal skills.
While we realize that today’s world of heightened conflict and incivility can be contagious, we also know that these positive skills can also be contagious. When these skills are taught throughout organizations, they become conflict competent and everyone can support each other in lowering the level of incivility.
For more on this general topic, listen to our recent podcasts on workplace dynamics at: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/podcast/
In Legal Disputes
As evidence of growing incivility in the legal professions, in 2024 California made the addition of “At least 1 credit hour of education addressing civility in the legal profession” to the requirements for Mandatory Continuing Legal Education (MCLE). California Rules of Court Rule No. 9.7 states that all attorneys must take an oath including the following before being admitted to practice law: “As an officer of the court, I will strive to conduct myself at all times with dignity, courtesy and integrity."
In 2007, California established the Attorney Guidelines of Civility and Professionalism, which is still referred to today. Since many of our readers are involved with Family Courts as professionals and individuals, it will be good to know what these guidelines say about civility for family lawyers:
“In family law proceedings an attorney should seek to reduce emotional tension and trauma and encourage the parties and attorneys to interact in a cooperative atmosphere, and keep the best interest of the children in mind.
For example:
a. An attorney should discourage and should not abet vindictive conduct.
b. An attorney should treat all participants with courtesy and respect in order to minimize the emotional intensity of a family dispute.
c. An attorney representing a parent should consider the welfare of a minor child and seek to minimize the adverse impact of the family law proceeding on the child.”
While these are great guidelines, they are missing an important ingredient: consequences for violating them. As I said in an article when they first came out, without consequences these guidelines do not mean a lot. The majority of family lawyers already behave as they should and don’t need a list of rules like this. The ones who do not operate this way are also the ones who will not voluntarily abide by guidelines such as these. Since incivility has gotten worse in the legal profession, including family law, it is about time that there were more teeth put into guidelines such as these.
What Can Be Done?
High Conflict Institute was founded to provide training to professionals, starting with legal professionals. The first book I wrote and that HCI publishes (through its sister organization Unhooked Books) is High Conflict People in Legal Disputes, now in its 2nd Edition. In 2024, Unhooked Books published BIFF for Lawyers and Law Offices: Your Guide to Respectful Written Communication with Clients, Opposing Counsel and Others. This is a perfect guide for civility in the legal profession and should be used widely by lawyers and those who work with them.
In addition, High Conflict Institute trainers regularly speak to groups of lawyers at the local, state, and national levels. We are encouraged by the positive comments we regularly receive, as people say they are using the skills they have learned to “keep the conflict small,” and to treat each other with respect. We teach the “how” of civility, while the legislature teaches the “should” of civility.
What Can You Do?
Everyone can contribute to reversing this uncivil trend in society at large. Here are a few tips:
Telling Yourself Encouraging Statements: People can regularly give themselves encouraging statements, to help them stay calm especially before going into a tense situation. These are statements such as: “I can get through this.” “I don’t need to defend myself here. I’ve done nothing wrong.” “Their critical comments are not really about me, but more about them.” Saying these short statements to yourself before approaching a difficult conversation can help reduce the impact of others’ negative words and increase the volume of your own voice giving yourself encouragement. Some people put post-it stickees on their bathroom mirror or their desk to remind themselves of their encouraging statements.
EAR Statements: We have been teaching these since before we opened High Conflict Institute. This stands for empathy, attention and respect. Giving another person EAR Statements can calm them in as little as 30 seconds. “I can understand your frustration about that.” “I can see that you might be feeling disappointed about that.” “I’ll pay attention; tell me more.” “I have a lot of respect for the work you do; or for your time; or for your commitment to solving this problem; or for your relationship with your child.”
BIFF Responses: Whether in the workplace, in a high conflict divorce, or anywhere, responses that are brief, informative, friendly, and firm can calm a conflict when you receive a hostile email, text, or other communication. It’s an easy structure, but hard to do when you are outraged at how someone else has communicated with you. This is becoming a widely used method and extremely simple. It just takes practice. But in the long run it has helped change how people view each other, with a reduction in anger and resentment, and an increase in taking a problem-solving approach when problems arise.
Setting Limits on Incivility: Finally, we encourage everyone to learn to set limits on how they are treated by others. It’s easy to silently tolerate other people being disrespectful, but it takes practice to speak up and set limits. It also takes thinking through what your consequences will be for those disregard your limits. We need to learn to say “That’s enough, Joe.” Or: “Give me a break.” We don’t have to have a major confrontation to protect ourselves, our time, and our emotional well-being.
Conclusion
In short, incivility may be on the rise, but there are ways that all of us can work to reduce it in our own lives and manage our own behavior. We estimate that we have taught approximately 500,000 professionals with our methods designed to reduce high conflict in the workplace, in the legal system, and everywhere. Perhaps the trend back toward civility will return in our lifetimes as more people make the effort and learn the skills to treat everyone with respect.
